Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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