I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
