yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
