I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
