Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex on a dog bed..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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