I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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