Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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