You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
