2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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