Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
