Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
