Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
