Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
