My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
