just tell him i said nine months
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
