Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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