I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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