So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
