dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
