I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
