she was so not down for the gang bang
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
