I'm so fucking centered right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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