I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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