Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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