smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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