Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
