my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
