I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
