3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
