You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
