Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
