why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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