You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
