That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
