God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
