Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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