woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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