I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
