this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
