my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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