Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
