Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
how drunk are you?
Several
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
