If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
