Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
