how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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