you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
