So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
