Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
