Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
