Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
