Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
