Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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